Today was....

Well today was an ok day. Dave had to go into the boat today to get his service record so i was left alone with the dog till about 1500 (3pm). I managed to hold back some tears when i thought of how it was supposed to be. I have been doing so much research on my disease i had when i was pregnant and if the Doctors would have listened to me and didn't just blow me off as just another pregnant woman complaining about being pregnant i would probably still be pregnant. I know that i can blame anyone i think that has wronged me and Laken but i know it won't put my baby back in my arms. I still have the pain from the c section where she was "ripped" from me, and then another blow was when she was "ripped" from this world to be with the Lord. I see people who can't even afford to take care of a child or who never planned to have the baby they were/ are carrying and wonder why they were allowed to keep their babies and why Dave and I weren't. I look at her picture on my phone, computer, and fridge every day almost every moment. I never really got the chance to put together a nursery and only had one outfit picked out for her when she came home. I never had a baby shower and in some way i am grateful that i didn't. Because all that had to get put away was the crib.