Mothers day approaching

Well as you may know if you look at a calandar mothers day is next month. When I went to target to buy some patio chairs I thought it would be a good idea to pick my mom up a card. Boy was I wrong. Looking at all those cards just cut my soul deep down and i couldn't bring myself to buy one. And as I was choking back my tears (really hate to cry in public) I realized that i won't get to truely enjoy this mothers day. I can't get over of why celebrate when my baby that I am mother to is gone. Mothers day is supposed to be happy and signify how good of a mom you are. But how good of a mom am I?  I couldn't take her to term or protect her and keep her safe? But I am hoping to get my bracelet with her birthstone charm, weight, lenght, time and day she was born. I'm really hoping DH remembers me telling him this back when I was pregnant. If not (hey baby here's my hint).