A Year Has Gone By... Without You

My sweet little LAMB has been gone now for a year. Its brings tears to my eyes just saying that it has been a year. After losing my daughter I now know how my Aunt R. and Aunt S. felt when they both lost one of their twins after birth and being alive for a couple of days.  But the one that gets me the most is after Laken died I got a call from my grandfather (mother's dad) and he cried and said he is crying with me because he knows the feeling of having a daughter die in his arms (my aunt was about 14 when she died- hunting accident). I have never seen or heard my grandpa cry until that phone call. I don't even remember if I saw him cry at my great grandparents funeral.

So it's been a year of crying and feeling sad for feeling happy at times. And wondering if we are moving on with our life too soon. I wonder if people will forget her I hope they don't, I hope for just a second they think about her. I am grateful for what she has given us. I am closer with my husband he is my rock. I call my parents more now too. I cherish the moments I am given for I know moments only last seconds and then they are just memories. I am forever grateful that we at least got to know our daughter for 10 days. I think about her everyday but the what ifs and comparing have stopped, I know if it wasn't for her I wouldn't know of the health issues I have.

The day she died I remember praying and telling her to fight, and the hardest decision of our lives came when the doctors said they had tried everything they could and she just wasn't responding, and with her lack of oxygen for the prolonged time that she was going to have issues if she wasn't already brain dead. So we said our good byes as we finally got to hold her without the tube down her throat and we heard the sound of her trying to cry. That was the only day i actually got to hold my baby. Her voice is still in my head, I could swear I heard her cry a couple times when I would be laying in bed thinking about her and once it even woke me up.

She is my daughter, my first born.
"As long as I live, You will live; As long as I live, You will be remembered; As long as I live, You will be LOVED."