I Made it Another Year; or Still in the Grieving Process

Hi my Darlings,

  Well well here I sit looking back, back to when I was in the hospital NICU praying Laken would come out safe and that she wouldn't be in pain any longer. While I didn't exactly get what I wanted I did. I know she is safe and is no longer in pain, she's just not earth bound. Its been three years since that long drive home what was 20 minutes felt like days. And I still find myself crying myself to sleep and breaking down at random moments. I have been seeing a Psychologist to help with the depression and the awful nightmares, and trying to prepare for when David has to go on deployment and I won't be able to talk to him every day or to be able to hug him for 7+ months. Im tired of feeling broken all the time and not enjoying the things I used to as much.

On to some happier news before I make myself cry again. It is just about that time of year to start planning a 2nd birthday party. This year we aren't doing his party until David comes back from his school, so it will probably be around June and if thats the case we are going to combine Q and D's and start the day off with Q's birthday party and switch to an adult party later in the evening for D. I have to start looking for bike ideas for my little mister, he LOVES bikes and cars and anything with wheels. If you have seen my pinterest you pretty much know the theme of his party this year (Cars- the movie) he loves McQueen, he has a die-cast McQueen that he takes everywhere even in the bath and to bed. With his love of Cars I could probably recite the whole 2nd movie with as much as we watch it in a day. My poor bud he is teething his 2 year molars and those are a (excuse my language) Bitch. I think terrible two's stem from the molars; when they are hurting him something fierce he is a little pistol. I just wish that those teeth would come in soon and quit playing peekaboo already. Knock on wood but he hasn't gotten the bad flu and I attribute that to his love of oranges. If I would let him he that would be all he would eat. So no lack of Vit C with him.